I saw Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 Out Of The Shadows - I have some questions.

I saw Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 Out Of The Shadows – I have some questions.

Firstly, this movie is stuffed full of all the classic lines from every cheesy action movie you have ever heard; ‘we got company’, ‘let’s do this’, ‘I just wanna be a good cop and put the bad guys away’, ‘time to take out the trash’, and ‘that’s how I roll’ to name just a few. But, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 is very carefully crafted to hit that teen boy market and I am a 40 year old woman, so I guess I need to cut the movie some slack.

It’s bright, it’s fast moving most of the time, with action fight scenes that boggle the mind and are almost too fast to follow in 3D. The characters are evenly balanced and I even heard the adults in the crowd asking each other before the film started, who their favourite was back in the day. The original TMNT cartoon was released in 1987, so there is a certain amount of nostalgia for older cinema goers, and that first ‘Cowabunga’ did bring a ripple of cheers in the crowd from the big kids as well as the little ones.

The jokes were spare, but funny, and Will Arnett definitely brought something to the table which helped carry this movie for me. The underlying message is a positive, loud, colourful one. Teamwork wins, listen to each other, be the good guys and don’t be scared of what’s different. A brilliant message and positive mutant role models for young males bursting with energy and emerging testosterone; but where’s the character for girls to identify with? This is where April O’ Neill should come in right?

Wrong! Yes, I know that this movie is aimed at rambunctious young boys and adult males who probably live for WWE wrestling and loved the turtles back in the 80’s and 90’s, but I’m sure plenty of sisters will be taken along to family movie night. After all, I was glued to the ninja turtles as a kid and watched the cartoons with my little brother (Donatello was my favourite). April O’Neill (Megan Fox) is constantly pouting in full make-up, and very impractical clothing and heels, blatantly there to be a young boys fantasy and gets out of every situation by being ‘a little bit sexy’, distracting men with her jaw dropping good looks. One saving grace was actually hearing the cinema crowd groan collectively at these scenes. The original April was defeating bad guys in a very tight yellow jumpsuit, but at least practical for catching villains and keeping the city safe. A hot shot reporter chasing down the most evil guy on the planet wouldn’t run from ninjas in 6inch heels would she? It just wouldn’t be practical, and surprised this route was chosen in the 2016 adaptation.

So, watching Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 as someone outside of the target demographic, I have questions:-

Was April ever scared, happy, angry? Who knows? Her face and voice stayed the same throughout, not one shred of emotion (see what I did there?)
Which blow dry bar does April use? Her hair was perfectly in place, even after a Ninja showdown down a back alley rolling around trying to steal some purple mutagen ooze. I step outside into light drizzle for 0.5 seconds and my neat fringe is gone for the day…
Did they purposely model mad scientist Baxter Stockman on Neil Degrasse Tyson? I wonder if they approached him for a cameo?
Who makes the Shredder Ninjas uniforms? They are cut to perfection.
Surely the ice skating bit in the warehouse was a stretch, even for the kids?
Who is financing Krangs operations?
What’s the life insurance plan for a Shredder ninja?
Bebop and Rocksteady. Are they cut from the same cloth as JarJar Binks? VERY annoying.
Why can’t a D-list celeb like Scott Disick have a sly pash and dash in Vegas without the Paps busting him; yet four mutant ninja turtles in a pimped out garbage truck, chasing the most dangerous man on the planet on a major highway, not even rustle up an iPhone video from a bystander or the channel 9 news chopper?
Why would they move the world’s most dangerous man? Surely better to leave him where he is?
Why did Casey Jones get all the cheesy lines?
When did Splinter start rocking a hipster man bun?

These are questions a teenager won’t ask and I wish I could be that innocent again. To live in a fantasy world for 112mins where teenage mutant ninja turtles live in the shadows destroying the bad guys, skateboards and gadgets rule, and where pizza is a staple food. I came out of the movie a little bewildered, but happy and nodding my head to the original theme tune as the end credits rolled, there is nostalgia there, but it really is for the kids.

Cowabunga Dudes!!!

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 – Out of the Shadows is in all major cinemas June 9

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